Well, i had this project due for my senior year and things started working out well in February, but when it got up to March and April, things seemed to be rather down with this. Now it's the near end of May, and all I do is just try to catch my sponsor. I have a paper that is due the 21st and all I want to do is just put a hole in my head but I guess that won't decrease the headache it would INCREASE it...
I'm seriously done with going around my old friends' journals and seeing how they do. I'm so scared of talking to them and apologizing. I confronted one of them but I seriously doubt they would want to talk to me again. I mean it's obvious... completely obvious. And yeah, I still call you friends and stuff. I don't hate you, it's just that... it keeps me away from making such an ass out of myself. Thank you for avoiding me.
The feeling is mutual. It's just that I'm not ready to just randomly say, "hi and I'm sorry I was such an asshole to so-and-so and I just hope you know that I had made some quams with this so-and-so and we both decided not to talk to each other."
My condition of loss of friendship-itis is near-cured but it won't be the same. The reason I avoid people is because of the connections to other people that I have stopped talking to. It just calms me down. I know it isn't right, but seriously, I'm pathetically self-absorbed and this is how I calm down and learn that life ain't fair so suck it up already.
Time to grow up, Maggie, or do I have to call you Star again.
Listen, (to myself) asshole, every morning you wake up thinking "has everything gone back in time to 2005?" Have you been reading Fall 2003 or 2004 of Animerica wishing you can purchase Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne? Have you been joining October 2004 only to go into the year of 2005 when Sakuya` calls you self-centered and to go back to the "cesspool"? Have you even considered to follow your mother's instructions about caring for other people and to become selfless but sometimes you have no idea what to do for people, you tend to break friendships with them?
Sometimes, Star, you are really asking for it. Other times, I just can't believe that you're another me. Star, I really hate you. Star, I think we need to change and turn a new leaf. Star, I think its time that you learn that life doesn't revolve around you, and I know it is so far late to learn this, but you still have near 100 years left so you can learn this.
And Star, try not to get on people's nerves. Learn to take criticism and learn to take insults well. Cause sometimes as cruel as they are, sometimes they are true.
And Star, when are you going to finish your comic?
Maggie... I haven't had time for it... I don't know what to do with it now...
Star, suck it up. You know you didn't become friends with you know when you were formulating your ideas for Kasei and Tousotsu. Sure you have to change it a few times and all of that crap. You can still survive right?
But what about?
The collaboration? Who needs a collaboration when you have all of your old ideas... when you had just your online nii-san to review you... think about when... and think about how your manga used to be and take it from there... you can survive... You know it was good when it was with the collboration and interesting, but I seriously think it was best when you both had your own series to take care of and not worrying what time era you need to have for a collaboration. Think about what you learned from her and the rest of them and start using that for your comic too. Good luck, with it Star and remember to change your character and try not to make your parents worry over you. You are now Maggie again... Maggie...
To have a centered core is good. But I had one when I was very little. To have motivation is good, but now I never have any anymore... To have a caring mind. I wished I had one ever since I lost it years back...
I have to change myself. I have to change myself for the better and become a little bit humbler. Take slaps, take beatings, who knows what my parents will do to achieve a kid that changed herself from selfish to selfless?
And to get to my finished product, first I need to do some things before college and go through WITH college.
Current Music: Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne OST
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hopeful
accomplished
@#$%&!!!! D: